Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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