Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
