Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
