Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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