when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
