It's Friday. Sex?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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