Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
