you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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