at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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