get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
