peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
