His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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