yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
