You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Randomize
