two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
