Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
