Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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