I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
