i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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