You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
