Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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