And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
