How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize