In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
