Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
