just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im holly from the hills drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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