I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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