Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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