hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
