Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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