Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You took a bar mat shot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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