I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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