I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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