I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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