ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize