If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
