dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
