please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
