i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
