nut hugger
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
