Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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