I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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