This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
