I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
