Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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