I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
