i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
