i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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