Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
