Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
