Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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