i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
