My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
