Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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