Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
