where am i from again
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
