A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
