I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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