walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize