Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
