I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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