My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize