When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
