no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
