I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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